July 17, 2019
This mornings I prayed: “May my plans be Your plans.” As I thought about those words, I realised that this was not the prayer I needed…or wanted. “May YOUR plans be my plans.” Is that too fine a distinction? I don’t think so; it is a necessary shift. It is His plans and His path that I must follow. It’s a bit like the game, “Follow the Leader”. Am I leading, or am I allowing God, begging God, to lead me today? I truly don’t want to be the leader; I just want to hold His hand, and let Him show me the path that I’m to follow.
Yesterday’s Bible reading was in Exodus 12; it’s about Moses and the plagues of Egypt. So, I was reading about the plague of darkness. Not just any darkness, but “darkness that can be felt”. There have been many times over the last 87 days that I have experienced that darkness in my soul. Those dark days and moments are much fewer now. Why? Glad you asked. It is because I have the very Light of this world living in me. I noted these Scriptures in my Bible:
- John 8:12 “I (Jesus) am the light of the world.”
- I John 1:5 God is light; in Him there is no darkness at all (NO darkness!).
- Psalm 27:1 The Lord is my light and my salvation.
- Matthew 5:16 May my light (Jesus) shine before others…to bring You glory
- Matthew 5:14 Jesus is the light of the world.
Jesus alone is the light I need to get me through the darkness when I can’t see one step in front of me, and am feeling with my hands to “see” what might be a stumbling block. If I just look to my Savior, my path is lit, and I can trust Him to lead me to the next step. Or maybe today doesn’t have a “next step”; maybe today is sitting in His presence, or today might even be sitting in my grief. It happens and it’s ok if I need to just sit and grieve.
This morning I had to say Ashley’s name out loud…to continue to acknowledge her life and light. Once I said “Ashley”, I couldn’t stop. Over and over, I had to repeat the name I love…over…and over…and over… Because she was here and is forever a part of me. How I miss that beautiful light every single day, but I have the light of the world, and He forever binds us together – God is living in us and through us. Ashley is now living in His presence…where there is no darkness…forever!
And that brings me comfort. My sweet Ashley…Even at 26, she was afraid of the dark. There were so many times I would see the light on under her door, and I knew that she was asleep. I would always turn them off, but turn on the closet light. Because she needed that light to feel safe. Now, she is surrounded by light, and there is no darkness and no fear. And it is not that little closet light that lights up a small area. It is a light of magnificence and all-embracing love because she is in the presence of her Father. There is no fear…only joy forever in the Light of Jesus. And when I allow it, when I allow Him…that light consumes the darkness. I don’t always allow it, and He is patiently waiting for me when I lean into Him and seek the warmth of His light and love. He understands my human frailty better than anyone, and the darkness, grief, pain, despair, and depression that I feel in my weakest moments. He is there. Always. One day I will be in the presence of His glory and light, forever with my Savior, and forever reunited with my Ashley.
