Note: Our house floods fairly often, and this was written after being flooded.
Today has been unexpectedly emotional. Cleaning…finding things I had forgotten about…finding things that are likely ruined, things I wasn’t ready to say “good-bye” to yet.
So, this is my “Hope Chest”, which I’ve had for 36 years. It holds many special memories. The last time we flooded (before Ashley died), I didn’t think about this getting wet, and by the time I realised it had been in water, there were things that had to be thrown out. This time, knowing there are special Ashley items in it, I made sure to quickly clean it out. Whatever the reason, this flood, nothing inside was wet! But it did sit in water, so of course, I can’t know that things inside didn’t get wet until I go through it…all the way…top to bottom..touching every single item.
Everything…Ashley’s baby clothes, some of her books, a wedding planner book I got for her many years ago, my Baylor t-shirt that she used to wear all the time. So many sweet, precious memories. These clothes are so much more than fabric. They hold beautiful memories of Ashley wearing them, living life in them, dancing in them. So much emotion.
Later, Zach, who wasn’t home yesterday, brought me one of Ashley’s dolls, a fabric doll that had been sitting in one of his closets and is likely ruined. Flooding is emotional, and even though I hadn’t lost anything in the hope chest, this was an unexpected good-bye, and…I lost it. My son has such a compassionate heart. He just held me. I’m so thankful for my sweet boy; I’d be lost without him.
The task is complete. The chest is closed, probably until the next flood. I’m left looking at the wall, above the chest, items that Ashley saw daily for several years…hearts (she knew she was loved fully, completely, knew that she had my heart), a print that she saw every morning: “be your own kind of beautiful”…and, “It is well with my soul”. Yes, it is well with my soul. And it was well with Ashley’s soul. She is safe. She is secure. In our Father’s presence. My tears are with hope, knowing where she is today and all the today’s to come…until I hold her once again.
I so appreciate your prayers. I know there are many days when I couldn’t go on if not for those faithful warriors lifting me to the throne of grace. I wish I could say it gets easier. It hasn’t. Different, yes…not easier. I miss my beautiful Sunshine. But I will see your precious face again. 💕
