This year Easter and Ashley’s heaven date are only one day apart. These two days – Easter, the day Ashley left me for heaven, and April 21st, the date Ashley left me for heaven – don’t really get easier. Truly, I hate saying that because I know people want to be strengthened and encouraged by…
The past week has brought several interesting conversations. Unexpected…as they often are. I have been around a 4-year-old this week who actually reminds me quite a bit of Ashley. Not in her looks, but in her curiosity, her intelligence, her honest questions. She asked me about the necklace I wear. This is a necklace I’ve…
April 2, 2023 My yard is overrun. It truly amazes me that taking two years off yard care has created this mess of my yard. In the first two years after Ashley’s death, mowing our large yard was part of my grief therapy. Sweating and crying in 90+ degree weather is exhausting and strangely healing.…
3/5/2023 I don’t know why, but I always hate seeing that word in relation to grief. I think because it implies a lack of control. If you are dealing with grief and loss, you already know we had…we have…no control. God alone is in control and I still trust Him. Anyway, triggers is a word…
December 27, 2022 There is so much rushing about in the Christmas season. Even now, two days later, when I go out, I still feel it. And it induces such anxiety within me. I have learned to listen for the whisper of Him who loves me above all else. It is in the quiet that…
December 25, 2022 Christmas. So many beautiful, tender moments. Memories that bring joy and tears…all in the same moment…in the same breath. This is my fourth Christmas without Ashley. The pain has mellowed some; it is not quite so ferocious, though It will always be a part of me. The house no longer holds all…
January 15, 2022 Let me start by saying this is a hard one for me to write; I have definitely struggled with just how honest and transparent I want to be. In my last post, I told you that perhaps I would one day address the suicide issue that grieving Mom’s face. So, here goes……
January 12, 2022 Let me start by saying that the honest truth of this journey has despair and depression and anxiety. Yes, even at 2.7 years. Although I sometimes touch on it in my posts, I rarely give you the full picture. Why is that? Well, because I don’t know how much “truth” people can…
January 4, 2022 I was outside with Max this morning, and calling him to come to me. Per usual Max, he ignored me. Sometimes, he actually does obey!! But this morning, he was too interested in the smells of the yard (another dog in the yard yesterday…so many smells to smell!) I had been sitting…
September 20, 2021 I hope you never know the feeling of rubbing your fingers over glass because the picture underneath is the only way you can now touch your child’s beautiful face. I hope you never know the frantic feeling of not knowing where the lock of her hair is, the hair that you cut…