Living this life the best I know how…Jesus is my Savior…getting me through these moments that add up to a life….a journey. I’m a wife to Bill, a Mom to my heavenly daughter Ashley, and my son Zach. Just so we’re clear… I’m also Mom to Max, my Toy Schnauzer, and a caretaker to four chickens (Red, Peggy Sue, Ethel (my favorite!), and Lucy. I’m also a daughter and sister. Last, I’m a NICU nurse to the most precious beings on this earth. There it is in a nutshell.
Grief? Well, that has been a life-changer. Losing my precious daughter is the most wrenching pain imaginable (or unimaginable). So, what’s a girl to do? Well, I write. As I’ve done this grief journey, I haven’t found a lot of helpful books. And at 2+ years in, a lot of people no longer want to hear about Ashley or the pain that still floods my heart. Grief is a part of this life. Losing a child is not the normal part of life…completely unnatural. Yet, grief in its many forms will hit us in one way or another. Grief is a taboo subject, making people uncomfortable…it should not be. I want to bring it out in the open…to talk about it. The hard parts, the hopeful parts, the dark parts. I want others to have a voice for their grief, too. I don’t want society to shut me up because I somehow don’t meet their expectations of “acceptable” grief. I do talk about other things in my life, but grief…yeah, that’s a big one! And just so you know up front…I’m not a concise wordsmith…I travel down rabbit holes and more rabbit holes to get where I’m going. I hope you’ll travel with me down those many rabbit holes! Because for most of us…that’s life…not a straight line, but mountains and valleys and rabbit holes…and maybe a few chickens along the way!
So, welcome. I hope my words give you insight on grief, and on Ashley, and how my Savior continues to get me through each and every moment. And that you, sweet friends, are not alone on this journey of life. 💕
June 23, 2021 Did you? Did you hug your child today? Did you hold their soft hand in yours? Did you inhale the intoxicating scent that is uniquely theirs? Did you have a conversation…About the mundane things? About the deep things? Did you text them? Did you call them? Did you take them to school?…
Had breakfast with this beautiful woman today. Let me tell you the back story: First, there was a dog. Several months after my Ashley had died, I was led to this sweet homeless dog (long story, but I knew Ashley wanted me to save him!) Ashley loved dogs; I love dogs…one of our many shared…
I’m so thankful God gave me this sweet blessing 22 years ago. He was 10 1/2 lbs. of baby (or rather, toddler! 😁), and let me know from the very beginning that I was going to need strength beyond what my physical self possessed. God stepped in and has held me and guided me every…
May 15, 2021 Still working through our grief. The first quilt went to Dad; the second one goes to Bill. He was so moved when Dad received his, that I had to have one for him, too. So, this is the second one…so special because it’s mostly from Ashley’s swim career (one is from T-ball…
Ashley’s 29th Birthday, May Day. Happy heavenly birthday, my beautiful daughter! I long for you more with each passing day. Thank you for making me a Mom….your Mom; how I miss sharing those sweet Mother/Daughter moments with you on this earth! I will see you soon, my love. Wasn’t sure if this was going to…
Two Years…Just Jesus April 21, 2021 April 21, 2021 This life…This journey…There is Jesus! Each of us has a different path in this life…a story that is unique to you and to me. A story that will one day be told to your children, and your grandchildren, and perhaps one or two that will even…
April 1, 2021 Many years ago (2002ish?), my Sunday School friends at church worked with me to deliver around 250 Easter bags to Texas Children’s Hospital. Ashley was a help to her Mama, and she loved the experience of giving! Fast forward to 2013 when I was working at Memorial Hermann. We decided to again…
March 21, 2021 23 months… 100 weeks… 700 days… Since Ashley left me. Every day, I wonder how I’m still here. How does anyone survive such grief and loss?! Although my heart feels like it is broken in a million pieces…although I know Ashley took a part of it with her when she left…it continues…
February 23, 2021 💕 I have been asked why I almost always use two pink hearts in my posts. 💕 Here’s the answer: 1) pink is Ashley’s favorite colour; 2) my heart and Ashley’s are forever connected. By using two hearts, I am bringing her with me to show that she is always a part…
February 17, 2021 These video came up on my photo memories today…Ashley’s last meet in 2014. I don’t remember where she placed, but I love that her ribbon was pink! She loved swimming, but she was so glad to be finished!! She was such a beautiful swimmer…such a beautiful soul. How I miss you, Ashley!…