June 24, 2020
What defines me? What defines you? I was talking with a parent recently about a diagnosis for their child. That diagnosis doesn’t change who the child is: beloved! It doesn’t change that the child is still…a child…their child! It doesn’t change their dreams for that child: they may have to adjust their dreams, but they will still want whatever is best for their child, and that the dreams of their child will be fulfilled.
It made me think of my children. Zach was born with heart defects. For several years, it was such an important part of our lives that I sadly let it become a part of defining him. But he was not/is not a heart defect; he was a child with a heart defect. He is not defined by his heart defect, but rather by his heart after God. Having those issues changed some of our dreams (such as Bill wanting a football player!), but certainly never changed our dreams of wanting God’s best for Zach.
I’ve seen many parents post about autism. Their child is not autistic; their child has autism. Do you see the difference? We don’t want our children defined by a diagnosis, whatever that diagnosis is labelled. It is a part of them, but not the “all” of them. There is so much more to our children than a diagnosis. The diagnosis is not the definition of their life!
Likewise, I don’t want Ashley defined by her death. And, no, I still haven’t shared that; still wrapping my brain around that one. But when I do decide it’s time, I don’t want her defined by her cause of death…because she is so much more!
What does define Ashley? Her love for God, her love for her Mama, her love for animals, her love of medicine, her incredible gift of writing, her compassion, her laughter, her intelligence…wrapped up in her blondeness, her humor and joy, her beauty (can’t get away from it!), her style, her love of justice.
What defines Zach? His sense of humor and enjoyment of jokes and pranks, his kindness, his gentleness, his Godly character, his deep thinking and inquisitive mind, his unique perspective, his love of God, his gaming 🙄, his enjoyment of 80’s music and anime and Marvel, his hugs.
What defines Bill? His work ethic, his athleticism, his character, his love for and desire to spoil me, his enjoyment of motorcycles and the open road, his love of bikes, his character, his competitive spirit, his generosity, his skill in the kitchen and love of cooking, his beautiful photography.
What defines me? I feel that I will always now have the moniker of “grieving mother” because Ashley’s death has changed who I am, and now colours so much of my life purpose and thinking, my emotions, my heart, my very being. And I have so much to do to have Ashley’s name remembered. So, a lot of weight on these shoulders. But for 50+ years, the loss of Ashley and all that it entails was not part of my defining…and so I hope that others define me by love: for my family, for my Savior, for my NICU babies, for y NICU family, for animals…and that I choose to live by faith with the hope of eternity and praise of my God even in my brokenness.
I cannot define my children in a few words, but I’ve chosen what most sets them apart and makes them unique and special. I’ve chosen to look at the best in each of us.
We each have weaknesses and sins that are part of the “defining” of our lives, but I’ve chosen to not include those. Why? I could easily tell you of the areas where I fall short (many of you could tell me those areas!)…but they don’t define me! Why?! Because the blood of Jesus has covered my sin…once for all. So, yes, while I may struggle with selfishness and depression, (and too many others to name!), they do not…and will not…define me. I choose to look at the attributes of God in my life and in the lives of those around me. (I wrote a post on depression, so don’t think I’m avoiding something that has deeply impacted me, but I hope it will never so consume that it will define my life!)
So, what defines you today? It’s always a good idea to examine our lives and to think about what we leave behind. If it’s not the goodness of God and His love shining from your heart and showing in your life, maybe it’s time to examine where your heart is. I pray you know my Savior, but even if you don’t, we can all do good in this life, and focus on improving this world, and leave something behind that makes life better for others. This is certainly an unprecedented time in our lives when we can make a difference…through beauty, through love.
Philippians 4:8 (NKJV): Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy – meditate on these things.
Ecclesiastes 9:10: Whatever your hands find to do, do it with all your strength.
Whatever defines your life, I pray you choose to bless others and that in your short time here, you are also blessed in the living and loving of your life, and that while you give love freely, you also receive the honor and joy of love given to you. Shine today with the brilliant light that God has placed in your heart, the destiny that only you can fulfil, the defining of a life that only you can choose! And make your life a love song to your family, and to the world. We’ve only got a little more time to “do justly and love mercy and show the love we’ve been shown. For we can only be the hands and feet of Jesus til He leads us home.” Show kindness, show love. Leave the indelible, beautiful mark on this world that only you can leave!!
