December 25, 2019
Silent night…holy night…the world held its breath…expectantly…a Savior…a King…a baby. A star to guide the shepherds.
Today has been a day of quiet, literally on “a road to nowhere”…quiet, peace, silence. Such a sweet respite for our souls. Within me, though…there is a cacophony of emotions in my heart today. Joy…for sweet, sweet memories, for a Savior come to earth, for the miracle and wonder of Christmas. And pain…for those same sweet, sweet memories, for a beautiful daughter who should be with me today, for missing Ashley, my precious Ashley…that part of my heart that is in heaven today. And peace…a peaceful Christmas was what I prayed for…peace for our hearts, yes…it was a peaceful Christmas. So many other emotions intertwined.
Thankful for a husband who needed the solitude and beauty of God’s creation as much as I did.
As we travel through the vast emptiness of mountains and cacti, with Christmas music in the background, my pain and hurt are quieted…peace. Still there are tears…unbidden, yet I cannot deny them. And that is ok. Bill understands. God understands. This broken place where my heart dwells.
A different Christmas, for each of us…including Ashley. Do they celebrate Christmas in heaven on December 25th or on Christ’s actual birthday? I don’t know. But I like to think Ashley saw her tree in my living room, and that she was part of an amazing celebration in heaven.
A star…Jesus…to guide my heart through this unknown journey…down a road full of emotional mine fields. It is Him. His light. Celebrating His first advent…awaiting in anticipation His second advent. Knowing that day is coming. This…this life….a temporary sojourn.
Sending hugs, love, and prayers to each of us facing a first, or a. second, or a third…Christmas without your loved one: your child, your spouse, your parent, your grandchild, your sibling, your niece or nephew…whomever you are missing today, I am praying you will feel the comfort of Jesus, and have the blessed assurance that your loved one is just beyond this present life…waiting for the day you will join her or him.
Fall on your knees….oh hear the angel voices. Oh night divine…oh night when Christ was born!
Truly…oh night divine!
