August 17, 2019
We all have them. Physical scars, emotional scars. You cannot make it through this life without pain…without scars.
What started this post was this: I was thinking about Ashley and about heaven, and how she will be different and how she will be the same. That led me to think about her scars. Will we have scars in heaven? I don’t know the answer to that, but I suspect we won’t. We are told that after Jesus’ crucifixion, He had Thomas touch His hands, which had been nailed to the cross, and His side, which had been pierced by a guard’s spear. So we know that Jesus had scars. I tend to think that Jesus will still have His scars because they represent the life He gave for me and for you, so that we might have life everlasting…beautiful scars. My thinking (the Bible doesn’t address this, so just my thoughts) is that we (Ashley, me, you) won’t have scars on our heavenly bodies because we will be made perfect. And our scars represent the pain and suffering we have had on this journey on earth. The scars of this life will no longer matter. But while we’re here, journeying through this life, they do matter. Yours. Mine. The seen. The unseen.
Some scars are visible. Some are not. I have a scar over my left eye. Visible to all. Not too big, but it bugs me. I’ve had it now for 46 years. It’s a part of me, but not something I like. I also have a c-section scar from Ashley’s birth. Not visible to everyone. Not pretty. But it represents life…Ashley’s life…and so, even though most don’t know it’s there, I wear it proudly.
Zach has a large scar down the middle of his chest from two heart surgeries. To me, it is beautiful because it represents God’s loving kindness and mercy to save my son. It is a visible sign of God’s love and Zach’s strength. To Zach, it’s just a part of who he is.
We also have emotional scars. Oh, yes. The ones we don’t see. The ones we all carry. The ones we must give to the Savior. A scar represents an injury…but healing, too. Often, it is those emotional scars that we struggle with. We don’t want the world to see them or to know about them. They often represent what we perceive as weakness. What a wonderful opportunity to turn them over to our Savior, who can make something beautiful from our hurts and pains, who can meet us exactly where we are, and start healing those hurts.
Ashley had scars. Her right shoulder, multiple surgeries, so plenty of scars there. We didn’t discuss them a lot, but she would wear shirts that showed them without embarrassment. They said to her and to anyone who knew: “I was an athlete. I paid a price. I am strong.”
She also had scars on her wrists. Those scars…she hid. If you knew Ashley, you probably never saw them because they were always covered. Watches, hair bands, bracelets. She didn’t like to acknowledge them, she didn’t like anyone to see them or to touch them. They were a different reminder: that life is hard, that she gave in to despair, that she gave up…however briefly. Even as her Mom, I rarely saw these scars, and I didn’t like them, either. A reminder of that day…five years ago. A reminder that all my efforts to encourage her and help lift her out of that pit…had failed. BUT, they were also a reminder that God was wit her…that His mercy and His grace were present in Ashley’s life…that day. Every day. Even on April 21st.
Ashley’s scars…deep darkness for both of us during that time. But the brokenness, oh such brokenness…then and now. A dark story, but something only God can change for His great glory. The past is gone…only the future and how God will use Ashley’s life, her scars, her victory…these remain. Because those wounds on her wrists…not the end of the story. Ashley’s death…not the end of her story. Her story continues. In victory. “For I know the plans I have for you, Ashley, says the Lord…plans to give you a hope and a future.” Not the future she envisioned, not the future I envisioned, but the future which God knew. I still trust my Savior, who holds Ashley, and who still holds me in His strong, comforting arms. Even on the darkest of days. He is there…whispering His love for me, encouraging me to continue to live life. So I hold tight to Him.
There are scars of victory and scars of shame. I’ve shared some of each. What are your scars today? What is covered/hidden, and what is seen? Are they the emotional scars that never really heal because you keep them inside and hidden? Be vulnerable and ask for help if you feel overwhelmed by life. A pastor, a friend, a counsellor. We are all on this human journey, and from time to time, we all struggle. Reach out to Jesus, reach out to someone you trust who cares for you. It is not weakness to admit you need help, but it is hard. God has sent me many amazing friends on this journey who have helped me to stand when I didn’t think I could. Thank you to each one who has stood with me, and those who continue to help me and pray for me.
I wish Ashley had heard this song because I think it would have brought a small measure of healing to her. I would have brought it to her attention. That didn’t happen, but I bring it to your attention. Allow the scars of your life, and the scars of Jesus to bring you to a place of brokenness, and then, to healing.
Today, I like to imagine Ashley with no scars on her shoulder, and no scars on her wrists. In perfect peace…not dealing with pain, with the chaos and uncertainty of this life. Just her…Ashley…beautiful…perfect..joyful! Loved beyond measure!
NOTE: Scars by I am They was the original song with this post. Scars in Heaven only recently came to my attention, and says beautifully how the scars of Jesus will be the scars in heaven.
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