Glory July 27, 2019

July 27, 2019

Death. Glory. It seems like two opposites, and yet it’s that bittersweet razor’s edge I’ve mentioned before. Two seemingly unrelated, even oppositional words.

So, death. This has been such a difficult word for me to use. I’ve avoided it as much as possible. But that is the reality, and I can now say it. Ashley is dead. There is just no way around that. Truth. Ugly. And yet…joyful knowledge wrapped up in it. For she is just on the other side of a thin veil. Waiting. For me.

It’s taken a while for my heart to catch up with my head. Yes, I knew she was dead. Just. Couldn’t. Say…Death. How much better to say, “Ashley passed”, or “I lost my daughter”? It just sounds nicer, doesn’t it? Not quite so ugly.

The thing is, I didn’t “lose” Ashley. In fact, she is most definitely not lost. She is found. In the presence of her Savior. At His feet. Rejoicing in His presence. Dancing. Living. In His light…in His joy. She is truly living. Abundantly. Healthy. Peaceful. Oh, that brings joy to my heart. It is joy through the pain, but it is there. It doesn’t remove my pain, and often I cry while imagining Ashley in heaven, His presence. But the tears are a physical expression of my joyful sorrow causing an overflow of emotion.

Then, there’s “passed”, as in, “Ashley has passed.” Well, honestly, it makes me think of passing kidney stones, or something that was said about death a hundred years ago. And Ashley was so vibrant on this earth; a word/phrase too ancient for my beautiful daughter. So, yes, Ashley has passed. From this life to the next. But I choose not to use this euphemism for death. It most definitely doesn’t fit her life.

As a Christian, a Christ-follower, what is the impact of death, the death of my beautiful Ashley, on my heart? Trust me, my beliefs have been tested and examined, and I still return to the truth that I serve a God who loves me. My faith and my love for God, and his love for me, have sustained me through many difficult days. But this. Death. Of my Ashley. A level of pain that is felt to my very depths. A pain so deep and life-altering that there is no known word to express that agony, A pain that rises up, that ebbs and flows with grief…and tears…always, always simmering just below the surface. My faith has increased, and my times with God are sweet, yet painful at the same time. But He is there, my Savior, my Redeemer. To hold me. To comfort me. To assure me that Ashley is in His loving presence. There is glory as I feel His love and raise my hands to praise Him.

My faith has grown: the same, yet sweeter. My boldness has grown. Because our lives on this earth are so uncertain and so very fragile. And I do so want you to know my Redeemer, my Savior. God’s truth abides forever. No matter what my emotions are today, His truth and love abide. Forever. Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life. There is no other way to heaven, but through Him.

The Bible says, “We know that if the earthly body we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands.” 2 Corinthians 5:1

For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes no on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:17-18

Our citizenship is in heaven. Philippians 3:20

Death has been swallowed up in victory. I Corinthians 15:54

Yes. Ashley is dead. And saying those words still makes me weep because death equals “that night”, and “that night” has so many painful memories. But death itself? The cessation of life…only this physical life, this life that is seen. Where is the glory in death? Because, yes, there is glory. Ashley is alive forevermore in heaven. It is that life, which for me, for now, is the unseen. But that is where my faith steps in. Death here. Alive there. In perfection. In glory. So these Scriptures show me the truth of death. That it is defeated. And because it was defeated by Jesus Christ when He rose victorious from the grave, there is glory.

Don’t think I’m sugar-coating my pain. I am not. Death is both an enemy and a friend. How is that possible? Death took my beloved Ashley, and is my enemy. This life I live is forever altered, and I will forever grieve for all that I and this world have lost. But death is a friend to Ashley because she is blessed forevermore in heaven. The chains that she had in this life, and yes, there were chains, were forever broken the minute she left this earth and was in her Savior’s presence. Again, the glory.

Glory…because I do know the end of the story (see lyrics). And so, that is how I get from the despair of Death to the Gory of victory! On my knees, through tears, I sing Glory.

Glory (a song I chose for Ashley’s service) lyrics:

One day eyes that are blind will see You clearly

One day all who deny will finally believe

One day hearts made of stone will break in pieces

One day chains once unbroken will fall down at Your feet

So we wait for that one day, come quickly

We wanna see Your glory

Every knee falls down before Thee

Every tongue offers You praise with every hand raised

Singing glory to You and unto You only

We’ll sing glory to Your Name

One day voices that lie will all be silenced