I see you today, precious Mama…doing your best to make it through such a difficult day. We are so grateful…so thankful to be a Mom. But without that precious one here with us, it’s not complete. The day stutters on with tears, with smiles of memories, and regrets for the “never will be”, and the consuming wish of a different reality, a reality that will not be on this earth. And we long for tomorrow, for this day to be completed. And of course, more than anything, we long for our precious beloved child.
As I was going through memories of this previous date, I came across some butterfly pictures. And it was such a perfect representation of me…of us. The bereaved Mother.
A grieving Mama sees and knows how our wings are broken. The rest of the world will never understand what it’s like to exist in a world where we are not whole, though I’m so thankful for the compassionate ones who walk with me in my grief. But we? Grieving Mamas. We know. Our wings are not as beautiful as they once were for there are pieces missing, beautiful pieces that were torn off when our child died, other pieces that have been torn off through the loss of friends or family, other pieces lost with the breakup of a marriage, other pieces of beauty lost as we struggled with hope and with faith, other pieces lost through exhaustion and lack of sleep, other pieces lost as you stayed in bed for a week because you couldn’t face the world, vibrant colors have sometimes faded, other pieces maybe even futilely taped on as you tried to “fake” it for others. But we know. Our beautiful wings are damaged. Do we still fly? Most of us do; some of us don’t. Though our flights will never be quite the same. Beauty? Oh yes! It is still there. Sometimes others see it better than we can see it in ourselves.
Why? Because I see the strength you show every day that you face life without your beloved child. I see the faith you hold on to, faith in a God you still love, even through the questions. I see you, sweet grieving Mama. And I see your beauty. And I see the love for your beloved child. And I see your heart still open to love. And I see your faith in the Savior who loves you.
I’m praying for you today. Praying that you will see the beauty…your beauty. Praying that you will still fly, even if it looks different, even if it feels different. I’m praying that you will look to God, the One who created you, and who created your child…the child who made you a Mama. I’m praying for peace. And I’m praying for strength when you don’t think you can face a new day. You are seen. You are loved by your Creator. And you are beautiful…just the way you are. Keep trying to fly with your beautifully damaged wings, for that is who you are! And you still have an amazing story that God is writing. 💕🦋💐
Notes on pics: 1-2 Still beautiful! 💕 3 – Sometimes you need to focus on the memory of your beautiful beloved child. Ashley is not a butterfly; she is Ashley perfected in heaven. But the butterfly represents her beauty here on earth, and even more so as she is now glorified in heaven. 4 – These pics were from my 2nd Mother’s Day after Ashley died, barely one year past her heaven date. Zach took me on a picnic lunch and then to the Butterfly Center. It was a day of tears, of joyful memories made, and sweet remembrances of past Mother’s Days. My sweet son knew exactly what I needed and it was a beautiful gift of grace to my grieving wounded heart. 💕 🦋
