December 25, 2022
Christmas. So many beautiful, tender moments. Memories that bring joy and tears…all in the same moment…in the same breath.
This is my fourth Christmas without Ashley. The pain has mellowed some; it is not quite so ferocious, though It will always be a part of me.
The house no longer holds all the Christmas decorations, but my heart holds the Christmas memories…the Christmas joy. And yes, there is joy in this day.
Ashley’s absence is painful, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t joy. For there is…joy in being with Zach, joy in the special gift he gave us (tears, too, but joy in a son with such a gentle heart!), joy in the memories, joy in the Christmas morning waffles which we are doing for the first time in a number of years, joy in fixing Zach a hot chocolate, joy in snuggles with Max and laughter as he “opened” his stocking, joy in reading scriptures about heaven this morning. I did not read the story of Jesus’ birth this morning. Instead, choosing to focus on the joy that Ashley experiences every day, the joy that awaits me…the joy of heaven. The heaven that I can one day experience because a Savior…Jesus, came to earth to live and to die for me…for you…so that I can know that eternity waits. A forever and ever with my Savior and with Ashley. Because of Christmas…the birth of a Savior. And Easter…the death and resurrection th ion of a Savior. My Savior…Ashley’s Savior!
There is pain in seeing Ashley’s empty stocking. Oh how I wish she were here with us today. Seeing it brings to mind the joy of Christmas past…seeing it empty is a reminder of all that is not because she is not here with us.
I have been so blessed this morning by a multitude of texts…friends both old and new. Friends who have reached out to me on a difficult day. I am so grateful for each of you. In the midst of your joy, my heart is blessed that you would think of my grief and of Ashley’s life and absence. Thank you.
Think of how many empty stockings are all around us. Today, take a moment to think of those who may be facing an empty Christmas stocking. Give them grace as they deal with their grief in whatever way is necessary. I worked yesterday and tomorrow (not my choice), and I have very little emotional wiggle room today, so I am cocooning at home. It is what is necessary for my heart so that I can care for my sweet little one’s at work. For those who have an empty Christmas stocking, say a prayer for them, send them a text…let them know they are not forgotten. (I’m not asking for a text; I have been beyond blessed this morning!) It is never my desire to make you feel guilt over your blessings or pity for me. I want you to have the full experience of joy this day, but sometimes in acknowledging someone else’s grief, your joy is magnified in seeing the blessing of your children and family gathered around you. And that is what this day should bring…joy!
Luke 2:10-11
10But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. 11Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord.
I pray that you know the joy of the Messiah. And if you have an empty stocking today, know that my heart hurts with you. Give space to your grief and the memory of your beloved today. I pray you have a blessed Christmas, treasuring sweet memories of past Christmasses held in your heart and mind, and that you have the faith to imagine a future together in a heaven unimaginable with a Savior who came to this earth, as one of us, in all our fragileness…so that we can know the joy and peace of salvation and the hope of eternity without end.
🌲 💕
Someday at Christmas by Hanson This song has been running through my head today. It is (I think) talking about Christmas on earth in a time of peace…very appropriate given the war in Ukraine and my sister and BIL there. But it makes me think of our life on the new earth when there truly will be peace forever and no more pain or war.
