September 20, 2021
I hope you never know the feeling of rubbing your fingers over glass because the picture underneath is the only way you can now touch your child’s beautiful face.
I hope you never know the frantic feeling of not knowing where the lock of her hair is, the hair that you cut as she lay dying, the hair that you desperately need to touch because it is the only physical part of her that you have left.
I hope you never know what it is like to scroll through your pictures looking at her face, realising that there will never be another photo. The last picture of her is the last picture of her.
I hope you never have the knowledge that the last picture that you have of her is at her funeral.
I hope you never know the joy of seeing her friends get married and have babies…and the simultaneous heart-rending pain that she will never be married…she will never have babies.
I hope you never know the necessity of having her photo on your bedside table so that on waking, the first thing you see is her beautiful face, to say: “Good morning, Sunshine”, and the last thing you see before going to bed is that same precious face to say: “Good night, Sweetheart. I love you!” 💕
I hope you never know the grief that encompasses every part of your life, and envelops every cell in your body…the grief that now courses in your blood with every heartbeat.
I hope you don’t know any of it.
I hope you do look at your child with eyes of thankfulness, eyes that see them for the blessing that they are, eyes that see the beauty in them…even on the days when you’ve had to lock yourself in the bathroom with a glass of wine to get through the rest of the day!! 😉
I hope you never know this grief…never know this pain.
BUT…
If you do…
I hope you know that I will be here if you need me.
I hope you know that you can survive, even on the days when you think you can’t…even if it’s every single day.
I hope you are surrounded by compassionate people who will be there for the long haul.
I hope you will always be able to talk about her, and that you will always have friends to listen.
I hope you know that I will listen.
I hope you remember the good times, the sweet memories, that the end moments fade away.
I hope you know the hope of heaven and of Jesus.
I hope you find a way to celebrate her life.
I hope you know that she lives in you.
I hope you know that just as your heart beat for her in the womb, so it once again beats to keep her memory alive.
I hope you know that God is with you.
I hope you know that your tears are not unseen…God sees each one and collects them in a tear bottle. He sees…He knows.
I hope you know that there is hope to be reunited one day.
I hope you know you do not have to walk this path alone.
I hope you know my hand is open…
💕
