September 7, 2019 I hate the good-byes of this journey. They are constant, and unexpected…like a bandage being ripped off. Every bandage is one more goodbye, an acknowledgement of Ashley’s absence, of her loss in my life. With most painful things in my life in the past, I preferred to rip that thing off, get…
August 21, 2019 I am headed out tomorrow on a grief journey. For the past two and a half months, I’ve tried to leave. Oklahoma was my destination of choice…family (looootttttss of family 😍), friends. I have the sweetest aunt and uncle who lost their son a year ago, and I thought it would be perhaps…
August 17, 2019 We all have them. Physical scars, emotional scars. You cannot make it through this life without pain…without scars. What started this post was this: I was thinking about Ashley and about heaven, and how she will be different and how she will be the same. That led me to think about her…
August 8, 2019 I can hear Ashley in my head. She’s saying to me, “Mooooommmm, enough! Where’s the joy?” I don’t feel a lot of joy these days, but Ashley was so full of joy. She loved laughter and she loved making people laugh. (So, I opened up this post of FB for stories of…
You Say This post is difficult (and too long), and deeply revealing regarding Ashley’s life. It falls to me to be her voice, and that is a great responsibility because she would have made her mark on this world. As I’ve prayed about this, I’ve felt that I have her blessing, but have still green…
July 29, 2019 I’m in a perpetual place of no time. Time as I knew it no longer exists. And yet, it persists. Continually marching on. Never mind that I want all time to stop. To cease. As of April 19th. Two days before Ashley left this world. Tow days before my life did a…
July 27, 2019 Death. Glory. It seems like two opposites, and yet it’s that bittersweet razor’s edge I’ve mentioned before. Two seemingly unrelated, even oppositional words. So, death. This has been such a difficult word for me to use. I’ve avoided it as much as possible. But that is the reality, and I can now…
The Unexpected July 20, 2019 The unexpected. The last 90 days have had many unexpected moments, starting with finding Ashley and her subsequent death. Since then, so many unexpected moments of catching my breath…again. Of heartbreak…again. Of brokenness…again. Of pain…again. Of joy…again. Moments. Memories. Unexpected. Things you never think about, until your child is gone:…
July 17, 2019 This mornings I prayed: “May my plans be Your plans.” As I thought about those words, I realised that this was not the prayer I needed…or wanted. “May YOUR plans be my plans.” Is that too fine a distinction? I don’t think so; it is a necessary shift. It is His plans…
July 16, 2019 Was going to post something else today, but then saw a question in a closed group. A Mom (who lost her child), was asking why people who have not lived through the death of a child, say that God is good and answers prayers and they are blessed. It is sometimes difficult…