July 29, 2019 I’m in a perpetual place of no time. Time as I knew it no longer exists. And yet, it persists. Continually marching on. Never mind that I want all time to stop. To cease. As of April 19th. Two days before Ashley left this world. Tow days before my life did a…
July 27, 2019 Death. Glory. It seems like two opposites, and yet it’s that bittersweet razor’s edge I’ve mentioned before. Two seemingly unrelated, even oppositional words. So, death. This has been such a difficult word for me to use. I’ve avoided it as much as possible. But that is the reality, and I can now…
The Unexpected July 20, 2019 The unexpected. The last 90 days have had many unexpected moments, starting with finding Ashley and her subsequent death. Since then, so many unexpected moments of catching my breath…again. Of heartbreak…again. Of brokenness…again. Of pain…again. Of joy…again. Moments. Memories. Unexpected. Things you never think about, until your child is gone:…
July 17, 2019 This mornings I prayed: “May my plans be Your plans.” As I thought about those words, I realised that this was not the prayer I needed…or wanted. “May YOUR plans be my plans.” Is that too fine a distinction? I don’t think so; it is a necessary shift. It is His plans…
July 16, 2019 Was going to post something else today, but then saw a question in a closed group. A Mom (who lost her child), was asking why people who have not lived through the death of a child, say that God is good and answers prayers and they are blessed. It is sometimes difficult…
I have a playlist titled “Ashley” that I’ve created and listened to for the last 81 days. The Isaacs are one of my favorites and this song is so fitting. I pray it encourages you and lifts your spirit today. As I’m sure many of us Moms do, when one of us (me to kids…
Edited…multiple times. Ashley lived, and I am so very proud that she was mine. She was a kind, feisty, beautiful soul, who desired love, kindness, and beauty in her life. I will forever speak her name with love, and more pride than I could ever express. Ashley Giffen. For those of you who have loved…
July 2, 2019 So much in my life right now is bittersweet. I walk a line between this relentless grief and joy of my memories with Ashley. Right now, grief mostly wins. It has been ten weeks without my Sunshine, 72 days since I have held her and touched her. Every day, I want her…